Common Courtesy

It takes a while for me to adjust to the common courtesies that exist in France.

We are a polite bunch in Canada, opening doors and saying "after you", saying please and thank-you, excusing ourselves when passing in front of someone.  But we can be very "business-like" in certain circumstances, getting straight to the point and skipping all the chit-chat.  We think nothing of asking a question directly without even acknowledging the other person.  "Do you know where the bathroom is?"  "Am I going in the right direction?"  "Do you sell aprons?"

I was looking for some pretzels at the Super U the other day and couldn't find any.  I saw one of the tellers who was free at that moment, so I quickly asked her where I could find some.  Before responding, she looked at me and quietly said, "Bonjour, Madame".  Yes, of course.  It is not polite to come straight out and ask questions without first acknowledging the person and giving them a smile.

The same thing happened when we were in Gimel les Cascades.  We had just arrived in that town of narrow roads, steep hills and one-way streets.  We weren't sure whether we could continue on the road we were on without encountering serious auto restrictions, so I asked a gentleman who had a stand on the corner of the road, fabricating some artisan art, whether a car could continue on that particular road.  Even a conversation taking place from a car, with a number of cars waiting in line behind, started with "Bonjour, Madame."  Only then did he reply to my question.  In Canada we might have worried that the cars behind us would start honking, but in France they will wait patiently until you are finished your conversation and only then carry on.  No one seems to be in a rush.

I was reminded of French etiquette again this morning.  Monsieur Christian, the gentleman who has been cutting the lawn on this property, knocked at the door.  He was actually here to give us a message from some friends who had invited us for dinner but couldn't make it because of illness.  We don't answer the phone here since we haven't given out the phone number and calls are usually just salespeople calling.  Our friends weren't sure how to get a hold of us.  They resorted to the old-fashioned way of asking someone who knew where we lived if they could deliver a message. 

I hear this knock at the door and I recognize Christian through the window.  I open the door and say "Bonjour", but Christian is not about to jump right into the reason why he's here.  He extends his hand and shakes mine.  He asks how I am doing and only then relays the message he has been sent to deliver.  We then chit-chat a bit about his elderly mother who can no longer pick mushrooms at 84 years of age, so he is bringing her a bowl of "cèpe" mushrooms - porcini.  He will then stop at our friends' house to say that the message was delivered.  He leaves promising he will be back tomorrow to cut the lawn once more. 

I find these small gestures of acknowledgement so profound in inter-relationships.  It calms the spirit and lowers stress.  After all, everyone wants to know that they exist, that someone sees them, that someone acknowledges their presence.  A bonjour and a smile.  Such a small gesture making such a huge difference.

When you know someone better, you go beyond a bonjour and a smile and actually graduate to "La Bise", which is a kiss on both cheeks, more often than not just kissing the air rather than the cheek.  I love being in a restaurant and watching people greeting their friends that way.  Even if another person arrives after the original group has sat down, everyone gets up and exchanges "La Bise".  At the market, we see customers greeting sales people that way also, although I suspect they are friends to each other, not new acquaintances.

I've asked around if there is a protocol to kissing the left cheek or the right cheek first.  It may well depend on the region of France, and I've even heard it may depend on whether your are Catholic or Protestant.  Where I've been, more often than not it is the right cheeks connecting first, then the left, which is to say our head aims towards the left before switching to the right.  If you look at the picture of the two women above, they would have already kissed on the right side of their cheeks and they are now finishing off with the kiss to the left cheeks.

After two months in La-Roche-Canillac, we already know quite a few people well enough to exchange "La Bise".  It really makes you feel welcome, that you are part of the group and that you belong.

Looks like our Canadian "marmots" have learned how to extend "La Bise" as well!  Friendly critters that they are.

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